from the notepad

blog transfer

2010-04-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

hello everybody,

i will no longer be using this Blogger site. my blog has been moved to:

http://huilinn.wordpress.com

so please change your links! =)

Thanks,

LINNNNN

Banana!

2010-04-06T03:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, i am one.

I am one of those unlucky yellow souls stuck with a stubbornly white inside. It's unfortunate that such a lover of all-things-Chinese like me could also be orientally illiterate.

Whenever people ask me why i am unable to converse in Chinese (an annoyingly flippant question but i always answer it nonetheless), i simply tell them that i went to an English school for my entire life, that both my parents speak English all the time (except for the odd Hokkien input or two during their conversations), i've been speaking English since i began to talk, and as a result, i've never managed to pick up any Mandarin at all.

The last statement is correct, but only partially correct. did you know that i attended Mandarin classes from the age of about five until i finally stopped at 15?

Yes, i have indeed been learning Mandarin for at least 10 years, if not more. An utter embarassment!

So why is it that my grasp of the language is still so weak? I'm tired of all the misinterpretations concerning my Bananahood. Here's the real meltdown on why i, to put it as simply as possible, suck at Mandarin.

As i mentioned before, i had been studying Mandarin since i was a wee child. However the problem was my severely short attention span. I was unable to devote all my neurons utterly to one particular task at any one time. my brain simply had the tendency to think of other things while i was supposed to be learning my tong yi ci and fan yi ci. Instead of memorizing my cheng yu, i spent more time daydreaming or analysing the people sitting around me.

Another crucial factor was my being a sad little child desperate for friendship. Although i made friends extremely easily and indeed i had copious amounts of them, i still had the continual and underlying fear that i might lose them in some way. This motivated me to spend my time generously in earning their trust and making them laugh by doing comical imitations of any mutual enemies. Not only that, i often interrupted class discussions and teaching time by shouting out smart-mouthed remarks or pointing out grammatical english mistakes in our ke ben. Oh i must have been such a joy to teach.

As i recount those days, i can now recognize the agony i put the teachers through in having to tolerate my in-class antics (although i'm sure most of them would genuinely admit that having me in their classes was thoroughly entertaining at times). Oh those poor lao shis... Notice i did not add "underpaid", because THAT they most certainly WEREN'T.

So no matter how many classes i went to, the amount of Mandarin that actually stuck with me was a shameful fraction of what was taught to me. i now feel really bad about having spent so much of parents' money on Mandarin tuition.

but i will say one thing for sure: a lot of the vocabulary has stuck with me, so that's good =) it's just the stringing together of words that proves difficult for me. Since i came to Adelaide, my Mandarin's been improving little by little. Speaking it definitely helps.

So, hopefully by the time i return to Malaysia for the holidays, my Mandarin would have improved enough for me to impress my friends a little. HAHA. I just hope they don't expect too much =P

funny conversation

2010-03-26T03:33:00.000-07:00

A: hey, are you wearing make-up today?

B: umm... no... only eyeliner...

A: ........isn't that make-up?

B: well, yeah, if you consider eyeliner as make-up......

A: ?!?!?!?!?!

this exact conversation did actually happen today. it was hilarious.

empathy 101

2010-03-25T03:10:00.000-07:00

ever since i came to Adelaide up until yesterday, i'd been feeling extremely sorry for myself.

would you feel sorry for me, too? oh poor little linn. she's all by herself in a foreign country, studying and working her butt off because her biology lab group is just a little incompetent in english, missing her family and her friends, feeling depressed when her friends don't make time for her, emotional whirlwinds, frequent moodswings, getting tired of walking around the city all the time just to get from one class to the other and then to the bus stop or train station.

oh the pain. oh the misery.

boo hoo hoo.

yes i will admit that was and always has been my attitude towards myself. i don't know if there is a scientific or medical term for my condition, but i have this mentality that my life is a movie. do you realize that movie characters always gain the sympathy of the audience? even if in the movie the characters seem to have to fend all by themselves, they actually have the support of the millions of people watching them go through all their hardships. and i now realize that this is my very problem. i always visualize my life as a movie and thus, inevitably, i expect sympathy out of others. that is why i always want to tell people about my depression and my hardship. and i don't think this is just me; i have thought about it and have collected this much: human nature makes it so that we want pity for being in the worst possible situation. just imagine two people talking about their lives to each other:

A: oh sheesh man life sucks. life is so difficult.

B: YOU'RE telling ME? i know life is difficult. for goodness' sake i have to wake up at 4am every morning to go to work.

A: so? i don't even have enough money for public transport. i have to WALK to work.

B: i have to walk to work too. and my workplace is further than yours.

A: so? i have to work longer hours than you. i am so tired after every day that i can't even stand properly anymore.

B: you think i'm not tired? right after work i have to do this and that and blah blah blah...

okay i don't know why i picked this particular scenario (i actually made it up) but doesn't this sound familiar to most of us? i don't know why people often try to boast about their hardships to each other... why do we want to boast about things like this? aren't they better kept in confidence between us and God? i still find myself a culprit of such a crime. i still want people to know the hardships i'm going through because, well, they ARE hardships! i never expected that i could feel so depressed and homesick all the time. people at school and church meetings often see me at my best. at my peak. they see me when i'm happiest and most bubbly and most adorable. what they've never seen is me bawling my eyes out on skype with my mum or me curled up amongst the blankets and school books and whatever else is lying on my bed, shivering and sniffling and not knowing how to feel better. only my closest friends and my closest family would know how i really am nowadays... yes, my emotions are that tumultous. but i do think i'm getting better at handling this. i still need to turn to the Lord more.

and yesterday my mum told me that she, too, is very lonely at home now that i'm not there. me and my mum, no matter how much we fight and argue, are the truest bluest best friends there could ever be. we have all our little secret languages and inside jokes that nobody else can understand. we laugh about things until we're mistaken for crazy. oh how i miss being with my mum. and it was only then that i realized that i had barely thought about how SHE feels. i can't imagine what it must be like for her. she must feel quite sad, too. and this is where i've learnt that self pity really doesn't do anything for us. it only makes us even more depressed because we wallow in our sorrows and we bathe in it, surrounding ourselves with recurring images of depressing things that happened to us; it makes us even more miserable. and self pity also closes up our mind to others and especially to the Lord. we really need to have a repentant and soft heart if we want the Lord to vitalize us...

somehow, my posts nowadays keep ending with some reference to the Lord Jesus =)

awesome!

and so from now on, i will always do my best not to judge others and not to feel sorry for myself all the time, but rather to let things be and submit to whatever the Lord brings to me.

hit, sunk.... and risen?

2010-03-20T05:37:00.000-07:00

how would you feel if somebody knew something about you that you yourself felt so shameful and dejected about?

what if it was shoved in your face and you suddenly had to face the harsh, angry reality?

not being as cryptic as i'd hoped here, but i really do have the urge to type this post now. i've been thinking about why people blog. i guess there are some that have a huge followers list because of the unique content. i am aware that there are some great blogs out there, the impact of each one varying according to the reader's personal taste. i know of food blogs, sport blogs, political blogs, news blogs, shopping blogs; the list goes on and on.

but what i think is the case for the average Ah Beng (or in this case Ah Linn) on the street is that blogs simply serve as a scratching post and often a canvas, ready for whatever is splashing across our mind to be translated into words and posted on our blogs. what is the purpose of doing this? i hope i speak for many others out there when i say that blogs yell for sympathy, empathy and the occasional dose of pitying comments. i don't know whether it's just me or it really is human nature for a person to want others to know the hardships and victories they go through, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant they are. isn't that what personal messages on MSN and facebook statuses are for? facebook really helps us out here. they literally ask us to tell them what's on our minds. and what, may i ask, is the purpose of this? well of course, it's so that all of humanity can know the little things that pop into our head throughout the day.

so it is true! we do have the natural tendency to seek out attention! however this is probably only for a percentage of us. some people don't give the slightest care towards splaying out their personal thoughts and feelings for the public to see. i highly admire such people. unless of course they're all chronically addicted to something or the other and therefore have no time for life's social aspect, in which case i'd feel highly sorry for them.

this issue of publicly displaying one's social life on networking sites such as Facebook or personal blogs suddenly came to me after a few instances where people (especially from church) have shot some cute comments at me regarding my facebook statuses. "Did you enjoy your avocado?" "How was your maths test? Did you slap that guy in the end?" sometimes i totally forget that i posted all this on facebook that i gape at them and wonder how on earth they knew. and that is what scares me THE most, the fact that i've been posting so much junk about myself on the Internet that i could even FORGET what i've posted! oh dear dear me...

so, back to the two rhetorical questions given at the start of this post. earlier today, i was feeling incredibly depressed. this is where words fail me. usually, i am pretty good at articulating my emotions and feelings to a high degree of accuracy; but now, i think i might have trouble expressing exactly how depressed i felt today. words have their limits, no matter how descriptive or provocative a word may be, the exact feeling can never be conveyed. this, i feel, is the inadequacy of language. anyway, i shall do my best. oh depression. i will not go so far as to say it was suicidal, or even cut-wrist-worthy, because it certainly wasn't. it most definitely wasn't that kind of depression. it was more like a quiet, aching depression; a depression resulting from yearning after various elusive things all at one time. it was like being dragged down into a deep dark chasm; the sinking feeling in my chest could have been analogous to that of the Titanic. any form of comfort from any person would've bounced right of me at that time. either that, or it would have wilted in the melancholy exuding from my pores. i don't feel that i'm going overboard with the adjectives here. i really did feel this way. OHHH i felt like i regretted so many things i had done in the past. why? why did i do this? why did i do that? OHHHH. i suddenly felt alone, isolated and unloved all at once. i also felt foolish, demented, mentally exhausted.

then i had to go for young people's meeting. i must say, i wasn't all that up for it. i had to drag myself to the car where Lee Ying was waiting patiently for me. i put my head on the windowsill and rolled my head around as the car bumped and hopped its way to the meeting. i'm sure i must've also uttered strange noises and mumbled to myself along the way. yes. i was that demented.

upon reaching the meeting, i immediately sat down and folded my arms across a pillow and looked down at my knees. i didn't want to say anything and i didn't want to look at anyone. i was in no mood, i told myself. people better watch out for me!!! such was my mindset, but oh you have to understand, i was in an unstable state at that time. luckily for me, the Lord intervened,

you know sometimes, when you are fully aware that you are completely NOT in your spirit and yet you still reject all feelings from your conscience, and then as if by God's hand (well of course by God's hand... what else??) everything that happens consequently only seems to speak to you? it's like, every hymn you sing, every verse you read, ever short prophecy that is shared by any saint, it ALL just seems to be talking to YOU! it's like God is literally pointing his finger at you, saying "OI ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? YES I'M TALKING TO YOU" and you can't help but feel touched, scared and shy all at the same time. well tonight was like that for me. everybody started sharing about how whenever we feel out of our spirit, we really need to just turn to the Lord, because we have the resurrection and transcending power given to us by the Lord. it reminded me of the Day 2 portion i read in morning revival, talking about how the way for us to use such a power is to have the desire to get away from all deadness. and it suddenly dawned on me why i felt so depressed: it's because i felt dead!

of course, being a fallen human being, i couldn't immediately get out of my wallowing state of self pity. however as the meeting progressed, i began to shake myself into some sense and drag myself out of thinking about ME ME ME and i began to exercise my spirit a little more. it was good. i needed it.

many people were scared of me tonight. people who see me depressed for the first time often feel that way. because i usually convey an upbeat, cheerful and bubbly nature, anyone who hasn't known me for long will get incredibly puzzled and even frightened if they see me depressed. sometimes they look so spectacularly concerned for me that i want to suddenly burst out laughing despite my sadness. yes, that is how it is with demented people.

okay at this point i got interrupted in the midst of my peaceful posting by someone chatting to me on facebook (ironically) and so i have forgotten everything else that i intended to say. luckily, there wasn't much left to go. so i'll just end here by saying that death can really envelope us when we're in our worst situations. it's all down to how quickly we realize it, repent to the Lord and turn back to our spirit. and THEN the Lord will grant us the strengthening =]

Oh Lord Jesus.... be with me always...

callous words

2010-03-20T00:04:00.000-07:00

like the spines of a prickly pear

knife-edge sharp

and the power to sting,

a gutting slice

a shameful blow

my face stains hot.

such poison.

chocolate at glenelg

2010-03-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

a little sumfin' sumfin'

2010-03-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

http://thoughtmagazine.wordpress.com/

my dear friend Adelene Lai has the most distinctive writing style ever. i could smell her pen ink from a mile away. and what's more she is an absolutely brilliant writer. i do wish she would blog more because her posts are so refreshingly witty and, more importantly, so frank and raw.

i always wanted to write with a style of my own. and i think Ade's writing has somewhat influenced my writing to try and win a niche of its own. i think it already has a style, if i'm not mistaken. and anyway, nothing CAN'T have a style, if we really think about it. right? any piece of writing that exists must certainly have a style, whether it be boring or interesting, most readable or most distasteful...

so yes. i hope i can start writing something substantial and word-worthy real soon. i received a recent email from Ade asking me to help spread the word about this new collection of short stories, articles and other random bits and bobs from the youths of KL (i hope i still qualify for this even though i now live in Adelaide) called Thought Magazine. you can go to the URL above and download the PDF; it won't take long.

to be honest, i skimmed past the first few stories and articles because, and i'm sorry for this but really, war-related matters really don't interest me much, especially the first one which i felt went a little overboard with the extravagantly descriptive sentences. is it just me? i don't know. perhaps i was all too eager to find Ade's article and read it. i did have a look at the artwork and some photos, though, being the visual person that i am.

words don't come easy to me. HONESTLY, they don't.

but i'm looking to improve this.

Penang

2010-03-13T20:17:00.000-08:00

and here's another poem i wrote slightly more than a year ago... it was probably inspired by Isobel Dixon's "Plenty" which was one of my favourite poems from the "Songs of Ourselves" anthology we studied for IGCSE. "Plenty" is an amazing poem which really draws us a picture of the kind of world the poet was living in, and i feel that my own poem really does convey the appropriate imagery that allows one a peek into the world of my childhood.... i only spent an average of a month a year in my grandmother's house in Penang, and yet, some of my happiest memories stem from there... as i grow up, it gets harder to enjoy the liberty of staying at Ah-Ma's house. nonetheless, i hope to visit there every year... =)

just to let you know, my mum thought it was good and thus shared it with my dad and my brother. BAD IDEA.

my brother came up with a parody poem talking about his addiction to computer games while my dad complained that my poem didn't rhyme and thus couldn't be considered a poem... =_=

Penang

a resonating warmth greets my toes,
as I splash tap water
to bathe my dusty feet.

as I wash,
the pail is beautiful
and familiar in my hands,
and it smiles at me.

in the house,
every room smells of memories,
blankets, and the spin of the fan,
soothing the simmering heat.
an ancient clock ticks
to sound the passing of an age,
that flew
without us knowing.

and as the house swells with
laughter and tears,
the hands of the clock
refuse to turn back,
and buy us a little more nighttime.

but no matter how fast,
or how cruelly, dawn comes,
the pitter-patter of feet,
and the crunch of a biscuit,
and the taste of burning incense
will not cease to resound,
upon the ceramic walls of my
lost childhood.

sentiments.

2010-03-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

here's a poem i wrote a long time ago... it used to be about a real experience that i had but obviously it's in the past now, so this poem just serves as a memory. i quite like the poem.. heh heh... it gets a bit emo at the end but that really wasn't my intention... i just kind of didn't know how to end the poem... =P

today
i bought a doll
with bubbled cheeks
and silken lips
and hair like dust in sunshine.

clothed in plain cotton
smudges on its shoes
and its soul
shined through its porcelain eyes.

we play together
like friends from birth
soul mates
siblings
lovers.

today
i bought a new doll
with eyes like mating butterflies
and a head of black velvet
rosy cheeks and rouged lips.

clothed in white silk
and a hat of ribbon
a secret smile
dances across its face.

and we play together
like strangers on a park bench
with nervous flutters
of our lashes.

but i think of my first doll
the doll i first loved
lying somewhere, unattended
lonely
vulnerable.

and i weep.

flow of life

2010-03-07T03:27:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 4:29-31 says: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good for building up, according to the need, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and anger and wrath and clamour and evil speaking be removed from you, with all malice.

These three verses were the scripture verses for Day 6 of Week 9 HWMR, The Divine Dispensing of the Divine Trinity: The Divine Dispensing of the Divine Trinity in the Believers' Living for the Building Up of the Church as the Body of Christ. They really touched my conscience.

I can't think of how many words that express malice, bitterness and anger that I've spoken to my fellow brothers and sisters over the past 17 years that I've been alive, let alone everyone else around me. Seriously! This word gave me a huge kick in the butt when I read it, making me realize what a dispenser of corrupt words I've been. And now let's set aside all the mean things I've said, what about all the vain words I've spoken over the years? Oh my gosh... And you can't believe how much time I've wasted discussing clothes, shoes and bags. I never thought I was a girly-girl but my girly nature has manifested itself. I AM GIRLY. I really need to pray to the Lord more that he would permeate my mind and thus renew it so that I would not speak so many vain words... I need to be more careful with what I say... =]

AND, today was the start of our much-anticipated 96 Lessons Training. It comprises of (duhhh) 96 lessons which will be covered over a period of 96 weeks. THAT'S ALMOST TWO YEARS. Every week we have to read, pursue and thoroughly study one lesson. Every day we need to cover a small bit. Every week we have to meet together in our study group and fellowship and pursue the lesson together. Every month, all the saints taking part in this training will meet together and we'll be TESTED on what we have been studying!!! Oh my gosh, it's almost like a Youth Preparatory Training back in Malaysia except this time I have to make it work alongside my college studies and other activities! WHOA. Really need the Lord's grace.

Despite the heavy schedule and demand of the 96 Lessons Training (we actually have Morning Revival criteria to fulfil now. We can't just do the usual calling on the Lord and merely reading the word for that day; we have to do all sorts of exercises), I am actually looking forward to it! The secret ingredient in this training is actually our day by day regulation. The more we regulate ourselves and constrict our daily living, the more we will benefit from this training!

Oh Lord Jesus! I consecrate myself to be trained and perfected by you, for the work of the ministry, for the building up of the Body of Christ!!! =)

typical rant.

2010-03-04T23:33:00.001-08:00

okay i know how busy people can get. i mean, hello, i'm in college and i have so many commitments to carry out.

i have began serving in the children's meetings on Lord's Day and when i say children i actually mean kids who are only about 3 years younger than me. i'm practically one of them. what's more, the new morning revival that we have to pursue from next week onwards is actually TWO weeks at a time because we have two books that we'll be pursuing simultaneously. also, this Lord's Day will be the commencement of the 96-lessons training, which comprises 96 weeks of training material. i have to pursue it for an hour everyday, and i have to meet up with saints every week to have fellowship and pursue. what's more, i have assignments, projects, tests to study for, lab reports and various other annoying necessities that have to be carried out. do i like them? no! but that's life! if i want to get to medical school well that's just what i have to do!

and you think YOUR life is difficult? huh? wait until you get into my position, then you'll understand. you'll be crying out for attention.

you think YOU'RE busy? wait until you have to start juggling your school, social and spiritual life the way i do. wait until you're stuck in the middle of nowhere without the ability to just call up or text whoever i like at whatever time of day and wherever i am. think you'll survive? FORGET IT. you know nothing about survival.

sometimes i get so lonely i cry. you do NOT know the meaning of loneliness.

i know we shouldn't judge each other. i didn't judge first. rather, i was judged.

so let's leave it to God to be the judge yeah?

don't be so hasty to brush things away. you never know when they might disappear.

dizzy spells

2010-03-01T04:17:00.000-08:00

today was probably one of the most - if not the most - sien days of my life.

it was partly my fault, because instead of using the first two hours of my three hour lunch break to compile my biology group report, i instead went shopping with Wengweng in Supré (THEIR SALE IS ABOUT TO END, OKAYY!!!). this resulted in carefree time-wasting trying on clothes and trying to decide on which skirt Wengweng should get. in the end, she got both. LOL.

yes, it took us two hours to go shopping at Rundle. and that was just ONE shop - Supré. imagine if we had wanted to go to more shops *shudder*. but nahh, we're saving our happiness up for HARBOURTOWN THIS WEEKEND!!!! =D bargain clothes, here we come!!!

it was only when i got to the computer lab at 10 Pulteney that i realized i had forgot to bring my own drawings of the specimens we viewed under the microscopes last week (each lab partner needed to submit his/her own drawings even though the report itself was a group effort). PANIC FLOODED MY MIND. i couldn't think, literally. luckily Angeline (Angel-ine) and Elle were there to help me out.

i called Peter to ask him if he could make an exception this one time and either extend the due date of the report or let me off without handing in any drawings. he did neither. he said it was my responsibility to make sure i bring my drawings and hand in my report on time. SIGH. but true, indeed it was my responsibility. at least i didn't bring down the grades of my lab partners, cos they brought theirs.

i looked at the percentage distribution for different components of our syllabus. THANK GOODNESS, practical reports had a mere 5%. but EVEN THEN, i could feel any chance of an MBBS slipping out of my butter fingers. i guess that was my kiasu nature coming out. I DIDN'T WANT OTHERS TO HAVE AN ADVANTAGE OVER MEEEE...

the stress piled up. when i got to biology lab class, Peter then told me that if i could go home quickly, pick it up, and bring it back to him before 5pm, then he would accept it. Any later and it would be a zero for us. EEK! you cannot imagine the amount of pressure that was upon my poor aching shoulders.

despite the tight schedule i had to keep to (2 hours to go home by train, fix up our report and making any changes, come back by train, walk ALL the way back along North Terrace to the uni, and then hand it in), my mind was flooded with relief, flooded to the point where my thinking skills were then drowned under the sudden tidal wave of relief. throughout the lesson, i kept doing stupid things. i left the hydrogen peroxide bottle open even after Peter repeatedly told us to close all bottles, i threw tissues containing bits of liver into the paper bin NOT the biological waste bin which i should have used instead, i ruined one of the pipette filler bulbs by squeezing the S-valve too hard and making the liquid shoot straight up the pipette and into the bulb. (i then removed the bulb, set it aside, and pretended it never happened. it was hilarious because later i complained to Peter that all the bulbs were faulty. he came over to me, picked up the one that i had ruined and said, "this one looks okay, but someone's gone and put liquid in it. oh well guess you'll have to use another one" HEHEHE SORRY PETER, MY BAD). i also was trying to shake the water off a tiny beaker at the sink, and with my caveman-like dexterity, i accidentally banged it against the side of the sink. luckily it didn't break. HAHA. oh yeah, i also didn't realize that the 1mL pipette was 1mL in capacity. i thought it was 10mL. so i was wondering why 1mL seemed like only a couple of drops of liquid... HAHAHA... like i said, my brain wasn't working...

anywho, i have to go to bed like pretty soon, so long story short, i managed to go home and get the report done, then i had to RUN for the 4:04pm train cos i had like 6 minutes to get to the stop. then i brisked walked to the student centre at the uni and printed out my report, and then i brisked walked to Jordan Labs to give it to Peter. i at least managed to squeeze some emotion out of Peter when he looked at me pityingly and said, "Aw, poor thing." Well at least i managed to get some exercise. haha.

so yeah. albeit the EXTREME exhaustion that resulted from today's fiasco, i am feeling AWESOME. praise the Lord. really, it was calling on His name that kept me going... calling on His name, and singing hymns absent-mindedly to myself.. yeah.. that about sums up my spiritual life... HAHAHA =P only joking. i still do morning revival XD

PEACE OUTTT

australian wealth

2010-02-26T05:11:00.000-08:00

today i had ICE CREAM. not just ANY ice cream. i had WENDY'S ice cream =D

i had a regular double-scoop cone. although it was a little too much more than i had hoped for, i certainly do not regret it.

i have been walking countless steps around the city square, getting from one place to the next, and i therefore conclude that i deserve something fattening once in a while. the position of "something fattening" has been hereby filled by Wendy's ice cream. i might consider some Donut King donuts in the future.. they look really creamy and mmmm... (but they're like $2,50 or something; incredibly rip-off)

perhaps in the future i will just take the junior one-scoop which costs $3.60, only $1 less than the regular double scoop. i had one scoop of Honeycomb ice cream and one scoop of Chocollo ice cream, which was supposed to be 99% fat-free but i have absolutely NO idea how they accomplished that because it still tastes SUBLIME.....

unfortunately the pictures of me and my first Wendy's ice cream are on Wengweng's camera and thus i can't upload them.

BUT KNOW THIS: THE ICE CREAM WAS FANTASTIC.

I REPEAT MYSELF, THE ICE CREAM WAS FANTASTIC.

THE CALORIES WERE WORTH IT.

friends exposed?

2010-02-25T01:09:00.000-08:00

playing friends exposed on Facebook is one of my occasional past times. but it has led me to realise how little i know most of my "friends" until the point where i found myself pressing the "skip" button on numerous occasions, either because it would be weird if i posted something on their wall, or because i simply didn't know enough about that person to answer what was being asked. so what are these "friends", anyway? aren't they just profiles that add to that count on my own personal profile page? what does it matter, how many friends I've got on Facebook?

people think i'm mean for deleting "friends" off my list. but how can i call them my Friends when they used to ignore me completely and were even mean to me, let alone TALK to me... so i too will wipe them from my slate!

didn't mean to post something so negative.. but it was something i thought about as i walked back to North Terrace from Central Market (chinatown) today... yeah... i do a lot of walking, mainly because i'm scared to take the City Loop bus or the City tram... I'm scared that I won't know which stop to get off at! whereas when i walk, i can control my speed as much as i like.. heh heh... legs are still the best form of transport! =)

assignment time.

2010-02-21T03:23:00.000-08:00

WOW i played on a Wii today at Sister Lucy's house. it was amazing. haha... a great work out! i did rhythm boxing, step exercises, snowball fights and some SUPER DUPER hula hooping. ahh, the wonders of technology! i sweated so much i had to take a shower there and borrow a t-shirt from Lucy.

and now... back to the dreary assignments. -_-

at least i've finished my maths assignment up til the last question (which we'll ask Paul about tomorrow) and most of my biology assignment, about 85%. i feel so adult-ish writing assignments like these! like i'm already in uni or something. hmm...

i'm glad that i have more friends now, especially those from malaysia and singapore. and i kinda like how everybody calls me "Linn" here.. it reminds me of my family... =)

i went to the Adelaide Fringe on friday night with Shuwanu, Wengweng, Shabihah, Gautham and Omar. it was sort of overrated. maybe cos i didn't have time to go on any of the amusement park rides. they looked great though!! i really wanted to ride something, cos i haven't been on any thrill rides for ages... But the queue lines were outrageously long and me and Wengweng had to get back early. so i took a ride from Wengweng's homestay mum to Greenhill Road where Lee Ying picked me up and took me home. It wasn't as simple and easy as it sounded... when it got dark, it became almost impossible to orientate ourselves amongst the huge crowds and the closed roads. we would never have got ourselves out of there if Ann (the homestay mum) hadn't found us. What's more, neither me nor wengweng had managed to grab some dinner before the Fringe parade started at 7pm, so we went hungry until like 8pm++ before we found Cibo Express and decided to eat there, despite the jawdropping rip-off prices. $10 just for a spinach quiche-thingamajigg and a SMALL ice mocha!!!

but it was a great ice mocha...

ANYHOW, it turned out okay. i got home, tidied up my room and went to bed straight after that. it was the earliest i've slept in ages!!!

BTW, the pics above are some Fringe photos i took with my phone.. dont know how to get them to come down here... the layout is going all poopoo and i don't know how to get them all nice and spaced out like in Celine's blog so that i can write captions and stuff... oh well... noobs will be noobs.

freedom of speech!

2010-02-17T15:47:00.000-08:00

yesterday i had critical thinking class. although i'd probably known this subconsciously before, it was only made clear and apparent to me yesterday, that ANYONE and EVERYONE can post something on the Internet, and it can be ANYTHING. seriously! that kind of freedom gives me chills down my spine.

and now i'm typing with some sort of newly found liberation.

WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Malaysia sucks. KIDDING! haha. just testing out the liberation =D

so yeah, right now, i'm supposed to be doing some critical thinking homework using the Internet. i hate doing homework that needs me to use the Internet cos it tempts me to do other stuff i.e. facebook and MSN. =_= i need to have more self-control. haha.

warming up (finally)

2010-02-16T01:07:00.001-08:00

well today was quite fun. i got to know all my little classmates much better today. haha... i'm such an idiot in front of people. i always act crazy and laugh-y (or maybe i am crazy and laugh-y?) but seriously i keep on laughing at my own self. haha.. like today we were talking about boyfriends (???) and one girl told me she already has a boyfriend. and i'm like "so young and you already have a boyfriend??? you're younger than me and I don't have one!!!" then there was a pause and we were all laughing and then i was like, "haha no la i'm only kidding i had a boyfriend long before you were born" and then i realized how super stupid that just sounded and she's only like, what, 3 months younger than me? AHAHAHAH!

good times, good times.

and then i was teasing this indian girl from malaysia about this other indian guy from malaysia (cos they're both indian, so it figures, haha) but she was totally denying it.. ahah... i love bullying people =D

graphic calculators are annoying. so many stupid buttons i have to press.

well i'm glad Celine and "Sophos" (hahaha) are reading my blog =_= that makes at least two people, compared to Celine's fanbase of thousands of people. hahaha.

and recently i learnt that SOMEONE is actually stalking my blog! SECRETLY! hehehe YAYYY!!!!! ^^

more updates soon (unless i get lazy and sleep in which case more updates in two weeks time)

some consideration

2010-02-10T05:57:00.001-08:00

Question: can people REALLY be that insensitive?

Answer: Yes they can.

back to the blog

2010-02-10T05:29:00.001-08:00

i have discovered what blogs are extremely useful for:

distracting you when you're supposed to be reading up on critical thinking.
gathering dust.
being a very disloyal and public diary.
being a listening ear for when the person you usually talk to isn't interested in talking at the time.

URGH. I COULD RANT FOR HOURS RIGHT NOW. THE STORIES I GATHERED TODAY ARE BURSTING OUT OF ME; UNFORTUNATELY, I WAS UNABLE TO UNLOAD THEM THE USUAL WAY. SO I SHALL POST THEM HERE.

i met an incredibly weird guy today. he was this Indian guy from Singapore (i'm really hoping he doesn't read this) and he came up to me, offered his hand, and was like, "Hi, what's your name?"

And I was just like, "Er..... Linn...."

"Oh, hi Linn! I'm Handsome Jack".

"So what do I call you?"

"Handsome." (A TOTAL LIE)

"........."

*long interval* (i decided to ignore him)

"so what's your name again?"

"....Prasheen..."

so yeah... all it takes is a little cold shoulder and "you're weird"-type facial expressions to squeeze the common sense out of people. LOL.

well it's late... so why am i still awake. oh yes, i've remembered. tomorrow, my first class only starts at 1pm =D which means i can get up a LEEDLE later than usual tomorrow. woo hoo!

of course i will still do morning revival, as i have been doing every day this week. YAY! JIA YOU!!! =) i find that it really does revive me in the mornings.... and it helps me to get up early too. haha.

i need to choose my friends more carefully. it's so easy to get sucked into the whole vortex of picking the wrong friends 'cause once you're in their little circle it's really difficult to get OUT and then to join a NEW circle.... so i hope to make friends with more of those other students trying out for medicine... wanna get into the whole mood of helping each other out.... cos even though we're all competing for the same limited spots, we should all still help each other out, right? then at the end of the day, it'll just be the survival of the smartest/most convincing during the interview/possessor of the highest ability to answer PQA-type tests. =)

so yeah. that's all i can remember that i wanted to talk about. there's a lot more. but i can't throw it on here. THAT PERSON MIGHT READ IT =)

and no, it's not you, Esmonde. in case you're reading this blog. i'd never write anything bad about you. why do i always direct my blogposts to you nowadays? oh yeah.. it's cos youre probably the only one who ever reads it now... oh and there's Niqi too, but she can't comment cos she doesn't have a blogger account =P

I LOVE YOU NIQI!!!!!!!

until next time. good night! =)

another hot day in un-paradise

2010-02-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

Well here's the bare naked truth about Adelaide. It is indeed a boring place. But let's set aside the fact that the number of shopping malls here can be counted with the finger of my right hand; the weather is becoming increasingly annoying. One day it'd be the hottest most sizzling day you could ever imagine; the next day it'd be lovely and cool; then just when you thought everything was getting better, for some reason, Adelaide would put on a Malaysian façade and become all hot, humid and sticky. GOSH. The very reason why I thought Adelaide would be a nice change is because I thought it WOULDN'T be humid.....

Anyway, the weather isn't the real reason I'm writing. I'm writing mainly because today was officially my first day of college classes. I'm much too lazy to write it on here, because, number one, nobody ever reads my blog (I checked my followers, the only one following me is Esmonde, and I doubt he reads it anyway), and not everybody who comes across my blog by random change actually cares about what's happening with me. The ones who really do actually make it a point to talk to me every now and then. You know who you are =)

So yeah, all's well and good here, despite the temperamental weather. Making friends isn't a problem, and neither are the studies (at the moment, at least). But I really do miss Malaysia, and a few certain very special individuals within it.

HERE'S TO THE YEAR AHEAD; HARD WORK AND NO PLAY.

waiting for the flight at Changi

2010-01-24T07:12:00.000-08:00

well i'm writing this post from Changi airport. i gotta write fast cos the Internet time is running out. 3.5 minutes left to go only.

anyway, i miss all my friends already! i miss dad and ko as well =(

i miss malaysia tooooo!!!!!!!

however, i'm looking forward to the long flight =) i'm gonna watch the movies, and then i'm gonna watch my anime! hahaha. oh dear. what on earth have i turned into...

xx

freeeeedom

2010-01-22T01:21:00.000-08:00

I, Hui Linn Lee, have come up with the most awesome solution to my long-term problem. It's the problem concerning the White Bread. I have solved it! It's been making me annoyingly emotional and hormonal for the past few months. But I now have an answer to it!

It's so easy! It's so simple!

Last night, I was lying in my bed, contemplating the mysteries of the universe... Haha, kidding. I was just thinking about Fruits Basket =D

Well anyway, I was contemplating the near-perfectness of Yuki Sohma (Japanese animes really annoy me in that sense; the males are always so ideal). And I was thinking about my problem. And I could feel my psychological heart writhing uncontrollably under the immense suffering caused by this problem, mainly because it was such a tough one. On the one hand, I wanted to let it out. On the other hand, I knew I shouldn't let it out because that would cause even more pain and suffering and endless sighing (having studied CTS, we know that by utilitarianism calculus we should try to promote happiness blah blah blah blah). I felt like there really wasn't any other option but to opt for the one I knew I would regret. Sigh. So is the life of a teenager.

I fell asleep thinking about my problem.

And I woke up thinking about my problem.

And when I woke up, I realized that last night, I had already found the answer. I had already discovered a way out of this dilemma. I crushed my hyperactive emotions once and for all. It was so mind-blowingly ingenious that I even wanted to write a story about it... But of course I didn't bother, being the lazy bum that I am.

So yeap. It's done. It's solved. And now, it's aaaallll good. *thumbs up*

But shush! It's still a secret ;)

bonded by trauma

2010-01-17T21:52:00.000-08:00

i love her!!!

one summer's day

2010-01-17T05:34:00.000-08:00

well i just got back from singapore about an hour ago and i'm doing various things, such as listening to the Spirited Away soundtrack by Joe Hisaishi on YouTube... seriously, this guy's a genius. i love the song! i wish i could learn it but i'm sure the music score costs money, and it won't be cheap..

anyhow, singapore was great. the hotel i stayed in was amazing; probably the best hotel i've ever been too. as usual, mum and i raided the hotel room for cool freebies. haha. out of our best loot, we got some bars of white moss Acca Kappa soap. i can't believe they were giving them away like soup at a soup kitchen. we also took their ultra-comfortable bed room slippers. =)

i watched Spirited Away again =) this time, i watched the Japanese version. Ma promised to watch it with me. but she fell asleep even before we reached the part where Chihiro meets Yubaba. This emoticon is now extremely accurate--> =_=

she REFUSED to even try to keep awake! maybe it's because we only started watching the movie at 11:45PM =P

well it doesn't matter, cos she fell asleep and i had to carry on by myself =( she said it was boring and childish and she didn't understand why i liked it so much. OH IF ONLY SHE KNEW =D

so i watched the rest of the movie by myself, which was like, 95% of the movie. it was good, of course, but i still prefer the Walt Disney english dub version. it's easier for me to watch. but both are good la! i still prefer Haku's voice in the english dub. it's more masculine and more comforting ^^ ahhh.... i was making screenshots of Spirited Away scenes and pasting them in a Microsoft Word document.. haha... okay maybe a little too obsessed? =)

anyway, enough about Haku and Spirited Away. i did some quality shopping while i was in Singapore. i bought a pair of skinny jeans from Esprit (70% off!!!) and a Baby-G watch. well okay the watch was bought by my dad. hahaha. it's yellow and it's AWESOME. =)

i also got loads of ang-pows. good luck/farewell presents from the various aunties. what's more, they're in singapore dollars =D i also got some from my Penang relatives. woo hoooo!

they gave us free bath salts so i took a hot bath once a day for two days. it was much needed, if i may say so. running around the hospital on Ko's behalf was quite tiring. but praise the Lord that his condition has been diagnosed! it's a thyroid gland problem and he really needs to take care of his health now.. it was a weird feeling, rushing around the hospital that day.. We went to Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre to see the doctors there. it was very educational! i really respect them, and it kinda makes me wanna be a doctor even more... They were very kind to Ko despite his tendency to be irrational. Anyway, i was saying that it was a weird feeling. Weird because it was a mixture of feelings. On the one hand, i felt extremely tired because the lifts took too long to come so i had to use the stairs to run from the Laboratory to the seats where Ko was sitting. Up down up down up down up down GAHHHHH. Yeah. So it was pretty tiring. On the other hand, i was also feeling rather good about myself; i've always wanted to be sort of the big sis, right? And that was my chance. I felt really responsible talking to the doctors and the nurses on my brother's behalf, cos he was too upset to talk to them. The third feeling was a slight anxiety... It was mainly brought upon by my parents saying things like, "In Australia you keep his medicine for him, okay?" or "You must accompany him to see the doctors. Make sure he's OK." and other things like that. I know i should help out and be responsible for my family's sake, but i'm just 16 going on 17, having to take care of a 23 year old! Well i guess that's God's plan for me... He always knows the best ways to transform us... I just hope i can gain more of Christ during this entire process. And BTW, here's the premium statement made by my dad: "Your Ko's health condition makes me feel even more sure about you doing medicine, so that you can help him."

YEAP.

Well I'm glad that after two hectic chaos-filled days we were able to finally relax and have a REAL family dinner. we went to this amazing Italian restaurant! I think i've put on weight =( i haven't done any exercise since the Penang trip. I feel fat.

Anyway, doesn't matter! Cos it's ALLLLL good =)

More updates soon! One week left of Malaysia, then it's Adelaide. SIGH.

statuses

2010-01-11T20:44:00.000-08:00

well actually i DO have a few little things to post, including some photos of ME sitting alongside Gurney Drive, accompanied by a very thought-provoking creative writing piece laying out my thoughts as i sat along the Drive. i'm trying to download ActiveSync so i can sync photos from Ma's phone to my laptop, but it's taking minutes...

update on ActiveSync download: 3 minutes left... =_=

it's taking ages, even with this high-speed hotel broadband connection. SIGH.

la belle mer

2010-01-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night, I went to a seafood restaurant by the seaside for dinner. There were a few hand-made swings fashioned from rope and planks hanging from the thick tree branches.

Looking out into the blackness of the horizon, the line which separated sky from sea blurred into a serene uncertainty. The wind whispered ever so softly.

I hoisted myself onto the swing closest to the sea, feeling the rough rope squirming under the light touch of my fingers. I listened to the sea shushing the shore to sleep with its gentle waves crashing lovingly against the white sand.

The shore was in a cloak of shadow, but the waves and the wind kept me company. I don't know how long it's been since I last kept so quiet that I could hear the the timid swish of the sea, unfurling itself against the shore. I can't even remember when's the last time I visited the beach.

I used to know the sand and the sea as a plaything. As a young child, the beach was a playmate to me. But tonight, it stole the show. The spotlight was upon this lone performer on its vast stage, swaying to its own sad song, playing its melody to soothe its own churning soul.

When I left, it was still singing. I left it as I found it, melancholy and alone. I breathed one last ocean breath and then, as soft as the wind stroking my hair, I made my way back to the restaurant.

just one more =)

2010-01-09T02:07:00.001-08:00

bunch of cuties

green eyes, blue robes, skinny legs, and a hairstyle to die for.

2010-01-09T01:22:00.000-08:00

some of these fan arts are really good!! i love Haku's flip flops. LOL.

here's a random fan art i found of Haku and Chihiro that doesn't really look like the original anime but still it's quite sweet. unfortunately Haku looks even more like a girl than he already does.

SPIRITED AWAYYYYYYYY.

one of the sweetest awesomest cuddliest cutest FKJSDLKFJSDKHf-est movies i have watched in a long time. Haku is as sweet as ever; he hasn't changed a single bit since i first watched him in action when I was in Year 9. if anything, he's only gotten better! haha.

so here are a few things that either strike me, intrigue me, or make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

un.

Chihiro is such a cutie. she's supposed to be only ten years old in the movie but i feel that she's wise beyond her years, and she's much braver than she looks. if I was caught in a spirit world and my parents had just been turned into pigs and i had to deal with big-headed old witches and talking frogs and weird faceless spirits who have a crush on me, i would be pretty freaked out. (but i guess meeting Haku makes it all better. heh heh *goofy laugh*)

deux.

Haku is supposed to be twelve.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????

And contrary to popular belief, he is NOT a sissy neither is he "girly". in fact he's the most caring, serious, dependable, MACHO young boy i've ever seen in my life. (both in the real world and in the virtual cartoon world)

trois.

i love it how Chihiro and Haku never say "I love you" at all to each other and yet have such an obvious attachment to each other. Reading Haku/Chihiro fan fictions are BAAAD for my emotions because they make up really heart-wrenching stories about the two characters that never took place in the original movie at all but for some reason i can just IMAGINE the story happening in my mind.. Like one really sad fan fiction involved Haku dying and his last words to Chihiro were along the lines of "I love you... Continue to love me even when i'm gone..."

AND I COULD JUST IMAGINE THE SCENE... gahhhhh so saaaad...

see what i mean? it's bad for me. BAAAD.

quatre.

okay mom is scolding me now because i forgot to bring our conditioner and now we have to use the hotel's crappy one. haha. also, Ko went swimming and i kinda feel bad not going with him but for goodness sake we just got to the hotel!! i wanna relaaaxxx. ;)

anyhoo, back to SPIRITED AWAY *excitement*

i find the concept of spirited away really good. it's such a frigging random theme and yet everything seems to gel together really perfectly. the whole Haku being Yubaba's apprentice thing and the entrance of no-face and the greedy bathhouse workers and Chihiro's cuteness and determination to work hard. haha. AWWW I LOVE HER.

cinq.

watching Spirited Away for a second time now reminds me how much Chihiro is like me. Small, helpless, naïve, not used to hard work (haha okay actually i am QUITE used to hard work) and spoilt.. but over the course of the movie we see her transforming into a humble, persevering, loving, caring and courageous young girl... many traits there that i could never possess on my own.

as for Haku, i think they have rightly classified him as a being of the "spirit world" since there is probably no guy like him on Earth. selfless, trustworthy, kind... he didn't even HAVE to help Chihiro but he just decided to anyway. Why? WHY did he do that? that's another thing i keep asking myself. it's like a mysterious moving love that nobody can see... i used to think that Chihiro is extremely lucky for being able to meet Haku, but then again, after having met him, it would be even more painful to leave him... So why the trouble eh?

let me now take the time to remind myself that THIS IS A MOVIE. IT IS VIRTUAL. IT IS NOT REAL.

alright, i've reminded myself.

suddenly, the real world seems more appealing. and anyway, we were never meant to live in virtual reality. =]

Hallelujah!!

2010-01-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

wow this morning i just received some excellent news. Niqi was immensely touched at yesterday's home meeting, and afterwards she told me she was even more determined to get baptised now. So yesterday night she went home and called up her dad to have a talk with him and to tell him that she really wanted to get baptised, but she still needed his permission.

This morning, i found a missed call on my phone from Niqi, so i called her up to see what was the matter. Turns out, her dad agreed! Niqi is going to get baptised! PRAISE THE LORD!!! He really is the victorious One sitting on the throne! Praise Him for His sovereignty!

"Glorious freedom, wonderful freedom,

No more in chains of sin I repine,

Jesus the glorious Emancipator,

Now and forever, He shall be mine."

WOW. The Lord really does work in wonders. I'm so happy for Niqi. i really wish i could be there to witness her baptism, but if it isn't in the Lord's plan, i'll just have to accept it. I hope that someone will at least take some pictures! =P

So yeah. as it stands now, i'm probably the most entangled one out of all my friends. Celine's stopped eating her Breakfast, and so has Niqi. The Breakfasts are out of their lives... so now i'm "alone"...

nevermind... Press on! Press on!

bloggers block

2010-01-07T06:06:00.000-08:00

this a very poorly named post, i know. but seriously, everytime i sit in front of my computer, ready to post something new, my mind goes totally blank. i am unable to think in front of a computer. perhaps that is why some of the stupidest things i've ever said were said via my computer =_=

well here i am, sitting in my chair, da dee doo dee da doo dee....

okay, confession. i actually have to draft out my blog posts before i write them on here. is that stupid? i hope not. cos i have bloggers block when i'm in front of my computer. URGH. so yeah. i use that Paperchase notebook that Kristen gave me to jot down my thoughts. (this particular post hasn't been drafted, mind you. I'm not THAAAT sad.

Here's a bunch of updates i wrote a while ago:

un.

reading the Life Study of Genesis is becoming a real chore. especially the two chapters a day thing. i don't know when's the last time i actually read two chapters in a day. my online Life-Study schedule must really be collecting dust by now.

nevermind... Press on!!!

deux.

i simply adore eating dodol. poor Ko can't eat it so i have to eat it secretly in order not to tempt him. i really pity him cos he has a huuuge sweet tooth.

trois.

i wish i could get a copy of Keel's Simple Diary but it's so expensive. so i could just try out my own one. (here goes...)

e.g.

Today, my day was...

(v) a coin.

( ) a radio.

( ) a frustration.

Please explain why:

because it has a heads (facebooking) and a tails (feeling bored). I'm being dangerously frank here.

(Note: words used for the Simple Diary were taken from 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak)

quatre.

i only just realised (at approx. 18:05 on Tuesday) that it is now the year 2010 and therefore i am hereby allowed to start writing in my 2010 daily planner! *smiley face* YAY. i hope i have stuff to write.

cinq.

my hair smells like honeydew! thanks to Pantene's Pro-V hair mask.. OM NOM NOM

six.

i just MIGHT consider starting to write a diary again. heh heh. but i have to make my entries less... you know.... =D

much to love to everybody! not that anybody reads my posts. *sad*

BLEHH

2010-01-07T00:21:00.000-08:00

i hate infatuation. i CURSE infatuation! infatuation RUINS LIVES!!! especially those trying to be useful vessels for the Lord. infatuation should die!!! i cast infatuation into the lake of fire! infatuation is under my feet! infatuation shall not prevail!!!!

....ugh....

pronounciation euphoria

2010-01-05T06:54:00.000-08:00

i love saying "Nicole" in a French accent...

it's soooooo satisfying! =D

i can't think of a creative title for this post, but if you must know, it's all about names.

2010-01-05T05:59:00.000-08:00

here are some pretty names that I don't mind having as my first name (if they actually suit me).

i've thought these over quite well and some have been added by friends because they think they're suitable for me *rolls eyes*.

Helene (alternative of Helen, suggested by GIS friends)

Sky (suggested by Tze Yang; or "Ciel", which is the French translation)

Dahlia (a flower)

Chihiro (i don't really know how this caught on.. but oh well)

Angela (suggested by Niqi)

Darcie (according to thinkbabynames.com, it means "dark")

Taselin (OMG i can't believe this name doesn't exist on any baby naming website!!)

Elsie (means "My God is a vow" and is a variant of Elizabeth)

Deborah (woo hoo! Girl power! actually, it's Hebrew for "bee")

Marie (a pretty name, but it actually means "bitter"in Hebrew =S)

Cassia (another word for "Cinnamon". It was one of the constituents of the compound ointment mentioned in the Bible. apparently, it was used as a repellent =_=)

... and here are some boy names that i find rather beautiful...

Note: when i say these names are "beautiful", i don't really pay attention to the meanings of the names, but more to how they sound, how well they roll off the tongue, or how well they twinkle in my mind.

Reuben

Zion (i actually know someone called by this name)

Jacob

Josiah

Luke

Nathaniel

Sebastien

random scraps of my mind

2010-01-05T03:49:00.000-08:00

yes, i'm starting to blog again. not like anyone reads my blog anyway *rolls eyes*. my comments are always empty.

anyway, i'm going to start drafting my blog posts from now on, rather than just sitting in front of the computer staring aimlessly into thin air trying to come up with something witty enough to post here.

so HERE GOES.

i began the draft by thinking up some rather cute analogies. (CTS rubbing off on me, i know)

LOVE IS... hard to find (the genuine type). I can only be sure of its authencity if its source is God or family.

INFATUATION IS... a bucket of red-hot glowing embers... its warmth makes you smile but it can burn you if you touch it =(

GIRLS ARE... like butterflies. They're pretty, and you never know what they're really thinking.

BOYS are... like Internet pop-up ads. Annoying and usually unnecessary.

COMMUNICATION is... pretty damn difficult without a phone or the Internet.

FRIENDS ARE... like trees; they give you shade and support, but over time they may "die".

okay now that i look back at them... they don't seem so cute anymore; more like depressing =_=

oh well. that's that. so after the analogies, which i was writing at the dinner table with Ma sitting in front of me reading her books, and Ko sitting beside me playing Warcraft on his new laptop, I asked Ko, (and here is a really quotable quote which makes me laugh every time i read it):

"Can you teach me how to download pirated software?"

ahahaha... it's so funny... the bluntness of it all... the innocence and the simplicity and the nonchalantness of it all.... the worst part is, i felt no guilt whatsoever over saying that i partake of pirated software. oh dear. i'm not sure what to write now, because there's nothing to comment about really...

ANYHOO, after the inscribing of the quotable quote onto my draft book (i'm using the book that Kristen got me from Paperchase as my blog draft book... it also happens to be my spiritual experiences book, hehe) I began to list down some "pretty" names that i've collected over time.

Since i have to go for prayer meeting now, and Ma is getting very plucky because i'm still typing and not moving, i better continue in the next post.

YAY

2009-12-09T05:34:00.001-08:00

I HAVE NOW GOT WINDOWS 7.....

YAYYYYYYY

AND I HAVE A BRAND NEW LAPTOP....

YAYYYYYYYY

back from training!

2009-11-28T21:49:00.001-08:00

WOW....

now THIS is why i have so much faith in the youth trainings... everytime i go, i can be sure that i will emerge a totally different person. everytime i go, i shed a little of the world from me, and take a little more life in me. Lord, help me to grow in life! I want Your life within me to mature and blossom!

celine, rachel and jane (jelly) were my spiritual companions throughout the training. eunice was too, but she left early for a squash tourney =(
i must say, the Lord really knows how to discpline us and teach us to take the way of the cross... celine, rach and jane were all staying on the first floor, but i was on the third floor. it was a burden! not only did that mean that i was amongst a lot of "unknowns" but also i was so far away from my dear companions! i was also the oldest youth in my room (i'm considered form 6) and during the training, sister Yee Fong left which made ME the "serving one" for our room!

however, all this serving one position-filling stuff just perfected my shepherding. i learnt to be more strict with my time management since now i had to be the pattern for the younger sisters to follow. if they saw me staying up late, so would they! so i had to make sure they shared and prayed adequately before going to bed and getting some proper rest.

it wasn't all fun and games in my room... it was difficult for me to blend with them since they were mostly lower youth and the only other upper youth was very quiet.... but i still prayed for them, and as the days went by, i noticed they started warming up to each other. even jayne (the quiet upper youth) became more open and exercised. Praise the Lord!

all in all, i really experienced the Lord's provision, wisdom and sovereignty in every environment that he placed me in. Lord, I love you.

karma much

2009-10-07T01:25:00.000-07:00

i've never really appreciated what my mum does for me. i mean, "appreciate" is so ambiguous. how do we actually "appreciate" something?

do we merely say things like "thank you" and "that's wonderful" and "i really needed that" and other niceties when people do things for us? wouldn't that just be forced ceremonial utterance?

how do we "appreciate"? what do people mean when they say "you should appreciate ______ more rather than take it/her/him/me/them for granted"? what i'm really trying to say is, when is it that we don't appreciate? if we don't express our gratitude every hour or even every day, does that make us spoilt brats?

okay, that may be taking it a LEEDLE bit too far. i must admit that at times, it's easy to forget Who made you and Who you should really be thanking. I think we show gratitude towards all the wrong people, and none towards those who really deserve it. Take God for instance. If we can experientally realize what He had to go through to save us from eternal perdition, we would genuinely fall to the ground and declare ourselves unworthy of His love. But the thing is, He showed it to us anyway. And that's what has captured so many lovers of Christ.

Anyway, back to the mum thang. i bought some asam laksa for her this afternoon because i thought it would be very grown-up of me to do so. i especially enjoyed callin gher on my mobile and asking her (with a lot of noise in the background, thus showing how busy i was) if she'd fancy some laksa for lunch. so i bought it, as well as some tasty lekur.

Later on, as she was preparing it, she said, "Aiya. Have to go soon (for sisters' meeting). Shouldn't have asked you to buy the laksa. It doesn't even look that good, anyway."

OHHHH i was offended. i was like, erm excuse me? i trudged around in that damansara place in the hot hot sun to buy that laksa for you and now you're telling me it doesn't look good???"

OH HOW DAAAARE YOU!!!

then i realized, how many times have i not appreciated the food my mum buys or makes for me? it made me think about all those portions of salmon oat porridge i made faces at.... those 101 "healthy" vegetables my mum cooked out the Encyclopedia of Veggies....

unbe-LIEVE-able

2009-09-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

i cannot one year has passed since the last english-speaking conference in east malaysia. boy, time does fly when you're having fun.
weeellllll, i wouldn't describe the entire year with the extremely generalized term "fun", but it certainly had its pros.

firstly, i was blessed by being able to fool around in bio and maths/addmaths and yet still get the grades i wanted! :) i am not a clever girl. i am not a lucky girl. i'm a blessed girl :) i still have to quell the urge to go "HAH I TOLD YOU SO!" to ms abuselah the next time i see her, which i hope won't be for quite a while.

i was also blessed enough to try passion fruit, a fruit which most of us only see growing on trees in Farmville or mixed with various chemicals in our Body Shop lipbalm. i actually tried it. i scooped out the soft seeds from their comfortable jelly-like crib and ground them with my molars :) BIO BIO BIO TRIBUTE TO BIO

i overcame many things. fewer than i'd hoped, but many things still. and there are more to come. i overcame youthful lust (for a while, anyway), i overcame the temper-losing demon, i overcame the burden of outward beauty, i overcame the desire to paint my nails in various neon colours, i overcame the devil's smile, i overcame my quiet meeting disposition, i overcame spiritual death.

OH LORD JESUS! it really is a joy to call on His name. a few months back, i'd probably not have given it much thought. but today, i can testify, that His name is above all names. "That in the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:10-11)

Praise the Lord for His overcoming name!

do you know how Jesus died?

2009-09-22T01:32:00.000-07:00

i cannot believe what i've decided to do. i have decided to make some drastic changes in my life.

the church conference i attended during the Hari Raya weekend has shown me much light. and as cheesy and trilogy-movie-ish as this sounds, i have found my life's purpose. i am going to serve the Lord.

how? i have no idea. but i guess it's all about my consecration before the Lord, isn't it? and it's all in steps for me. for example, i took the first step by crying my eyes out because i realized that in contrast to all that God has done for me, i've done absolutely nothing for him.

i learned how he died.

and it's not just the same old broken record; this time, i found out the details.

Brother David Vinson laid out every detail of Jesus' crucifixion bare and frank for us to hear. yes, we were amazed, some maybe even appalled, at his boldness. but it's the truth, and that is something no one can argue with.

so how exactly did Jesus die?

He was scourged. a whip of ninetails with sharp pieces of rock/metal hanging on the ends was smashed against His back 39 times. the Romans said that if they whipped you 40 times, you would die. so in order to keep their consciences clean, they gave you some mercy and whipped you only 39 times. each time the whip struck Jesus' back, flesh was torn out of His body, blood leaked out of His wounds; they struck Him to the point where the muscle was exposed. this is scourging.

Jesus had no strength in Him to carry His own cross. so the Romans hired a man of Cyrene to carry it for Him.

when they reached Calvary, nails were hammered through His wrists (not His hands, apparently, as the weight of His body would simply cause the nails to tear through the palms of His hands and He would fall) and His feet. then they erected the cross and mocked Him, pulled His beard, hit Him, charged Him to "save Himself if He was the Son of God".

what did Jesus do? did He call God to slay these evil men? did He ask His Father above to save him from his agony?

No. He told His Father: "Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing".

apparently, when one is crucified, they do not die of blood loss or injury, but rather, of suffocation. each time Jesus needed to take a breath of air, He had to pull Himself up; He had to lift up His torso each time and scrape His raw back against the rough cross, just to get a breath of air. criminals who are sentenced to crucifixion often die when they have no more strength left to lift themselves up to take a breath, and finally suffocate. therefore, to hasten their death, Roman soldiers often broke the legs of the criminals so that they would be unable to lift themselves up.

but that was unnecessary in Jesus' case. after an unimaginably agonizing period of time being hung up on the cross, Jesus lifted up His spirit, and He died.

He died so that today, i would be spared of such a fate. He died so that all human beings would be spared of such a fate.

don't you think that's worth my life's consecration?

WOOT FOR ME

2009-09-13T01:38:00.001-07:00

I, Hui Linn Lee, quitted Restaurant City and Farmville on Facebook on the 12th of September 2009 due to a drastic lack in free time, as the mentioned applications required maintenance on a daily basis and, well, i figured that i just couldn't be bothered to continue anymore.

AAAAAND, what use are worldly things to me, anyway? haha yes i am eating my own words even as i write this but come on, we all have to start somewhere, right?

how do people know what to write about in their blog?

2009-09-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

:LKHS:IJE:WLIJ:WELRIFJ:DKLSKULKEWFHLAUHFLEHDKSFLEWK

btw i'm a mini champ of Typing Maniac on facebook :)

when all is said and done

2009-08-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

well i've got my results and they're more than pleasing, so i'm.... well... pleased.

also, i've finally finished my piano. i can't believe i'll never have to play a single scale or arpeggio ever again... unless i want to, of course.

just got back from penang. celebrated ah ma's eightieth birthday. twas fun, yes. nick and sara came down from the UK to celebrate it with us. FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN

now, i'm one day away from starting at HELP, and a few months away from aussie. HERE I COMEEEEE :)

out-of-body experience

2009-08-04T02:21:00.000-07:00

two sundays ago (or was it three?), i sold second-hand books with ade, flory, bianca and her bf, joo and adrienne plus male friend. it was all very fun and games, really. i PR-ed with bianca alot, prancing from table to table in starbucks announcing our wonderful news: BOOK SALE! CHEAP READS FOR NEXT TO NOTHING! HURRY! EVERYTHING MUST GO! and other exclamations alike.

it was, i must admit, "fun". it was certainly rewarding to see the horrified looks on the faces of the heckled, as they mumble with much difficulty that they'll, "drop by later". HA. as if!
then it occurred to me that this is the exact same thing i do to those heckling. except i usually include a glittering smile that tricks 95% of hecklers that i'm actually going back to look at their knick-knacks. SUCKERS!

anyhow, back to the story. some people DID stop at our stall to run their eyes over our overflowing table: books, mags, stuffed toys, decors, shoes, you name it! i had originally thought flory organized a BOOK sale; i guess what's the harm in selling other junk if people will buy, eh? should've thought of it myself! haha.

one particular family came by that reminded me very very much of when i go shopping with my mum and brother. they stopped by our table. the brother sighed heavily as his sister proceeded to reach for titles such as "Becky Bananas", "Angels Unlimited: Budding star" and "Shopaholic Abroad". The first two were extremely suitable for girls her age; she must've been about twelve or so. but shopaholic? her mum wasn't fooled. the girl pleaded silently with her eyes and i could see her mum wasn't one to be crossed or whined at. you could literally see the prayer materializing in the girl's mind: "pleeeeease let me buy it. plllleeeeeeeeeease". all i could do as the shopkeeper-outsider was to stand by and smile at the girl in an "i understand" manner.
i was doing my fair share of crossing fingers. please don't look at the back!
her mummy turned the book around and furrowed her eyebrows as she read the synopsis. i could see the doors of her mind closing with a bang. slowly, she shook her head with her lips pursed, an expression that would cause any restless child to wilt immediately, and put the book back on its stand.
"No i don't think so. we'll just take these two lah."

the girl hung her head in defeat. i felt like patting her hand and saying, Ah, don't worry, soon you'll reach the age where you can read whatever you like! and Shopaholic will certainly be there when you're of age. okay? so don't fret. anyhow, i kind of agree with your mum. there are certain elements of Shopaholic that aren't suitable for young eyes...

i remember my own personal battles with my own mummy when it came to buying fiction. i wanted a funny chicklit read. she wanted "good" books that "taught me things" and that "had substance".

all i can say now at my wise old age of sixteen is that: MUMMY KNOWS BEST!

BE A MAN! DO THE RIGHT THING!

2009-07-25T03:17:00.000-07:00

These experiences are beyond Russell Peters.

"Doing the right thing" has evolved into a whole new cliche. In fact, it's so new, it's not even a cliche anymore. "Doing the right thing", to me, has become epic and extremely indispensable.

"Doing the right thing" no longer depends on my impression of good and bad, right and wrong; now, it's all determined by my very sensitive and, may i add, STUBBORN, conscience.

Walking away from something you want very much is the simplest and yet most painful task one could do. It's called "fleeing", as one would do from something that emanates violence or horror in any way. If we could only see these BAAAD things for what they really are, i think we would all pick up our skirts and flounce for our lives...

Unfortunately, the Strong Man has done a great job in advertising his World System in such a way that it's almost bearable.... OKAY FINE, IT'S A FANTASTIC FACADE!!! But what is a weakling like me to do? What could be easier than merely conforming to where the world is already heading? DOOOOM.

but you see, EVERY LEEDLE CHOICE makes a difference. The annoying part is that you don't get to reap your rewards until AFTER you make the choice. This may sound stupidly obvious, but we forget this all the time.

We need to learn to walk away. We need to say "no" when the situation calls for it. We need to flee when appropriate.

GAWSH it's hard living like this, and i know some stupid mistakes (made by me) are coming my way sometime... but for now, i'll just hang tight and pray for salvation from these everyday monsters.

long time no blog

2009-07-25T03:13:00.001-07:00

hello to anyone who reads my blog. as i recently found out, people actually do. HURRAH! thanks to Celine's PR-ing on her own blog, which looks much much cooler than mine :(

anyway, I AM UNDER CONSTANT CREATIVE PRESSURE. art deal not going too well at the mo, trying to find more artist influences that i haven't ALREADY used.... maybe i should go back to my beloved Cherry Hood.

i want to make that money WORTH IT, you know? i want to have earned it, and then lie back and pat my tummy and close my eyes and exhale deeply and say, "Good on you, HL!"

so ya. Ms Alford, my all time mentor, has advised me to pay Valentine Willie's Art Gallery in Bangsar Baru, because apparently it's got loads of influence i could benefit from. The name of the gallery itself puzzles me... sounds like Marcus (the short one, haha) may pop out at any moment and go "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!"

Cleaning out my closet (literally)

2009-06-19T00:57:00.000-07:00

GOOD BYE, ADD MATHS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA

and i'll never have to memorize geography case studies ever again.... ARGHHH.

i'll miss tectonics.

Who's Gonna Build YOUR Wall?

2009-06-14T01:53:00.000-07:00

Angu and Vaj, Plaza Mont Kiara
After playing in the fountains despite stares.

Accomplished Nerds

Sources: FACEBOOK, WHERE ELSE.

Closing Time

2009-06-14T01:49:00.000-07:00

The Mad Geography Gang
Smiti, Gabs, Ali, HL

We're all kids deep down inside.
Asees' 16th.

Multiple Shirt Signing
Last Art Lesson

"Hey guys, let's act like lalas and pretend we won all this stuff"

(I thought we were being gangstas)

Good Times, Good Times

2009-06-14T01:44:00.000-07:00

Angu (Anita) and Vaj (Hui Linn)

Angu and Vaj being "nerds"

Art Buds. (my lovely painting in the background)

11-Wonderful and Raving Mad

The "Wedding" Photo, according to Creep.

The only ISAKL athletics meet i ever attended. WOOT

EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

2009-06-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

i have just realized that my computer is lacking AVG.

HELP! HELP!

Surfing the net without AVG is like having unprotected sex.

Once you get AIDS, it's all over.
Same thing with computer viruses.

Note to self: DOWNLOAD AVG

Of laptops

2009-06-11T07:58:00.000-07:00

I want this:

... But knowing my parents, they're probably gonna get me this instead:

Typical. Hopefully i can at least get the Toshiba Portege in pink, cause it's PRETTY.

If all else fails, i will just have to get the same model as Celine's. Crappy, i know, but beggars can't be choosers :P
I love you, Celine.

Graduation Ball 2009

2009-06-11T07:52:00.001-07:00

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE
EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED

Regarding Darcy Attempt #1

2009-06-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

i feel like i should remove it.
it's staring me in the face and reminding me of my diminishing artistic prowess. especially in nailing the first sketch.
urgh.
but i'd be kind of dishonest. not really, but kind of.
it's like giving someone poison and not saying that they have to drink it, but not telling them that it's poison.
harsh example? sorry.

The Real Darcy.

2009-06-08T22:01:00.001-07:00

Darcy.

2009-06-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

First attempt at drawing Darcy.

Second attempt... Getting better!

Both in pencil. If i "had my druthers" i'd use charcoal... but i don't have a single stick of it in my house atm. i know. it's an absolute hanging offence.

My Fresh Adventure

2009-06-08T07:08:00.001-07:00

i am finally able to create again!

thank you, 12th of June, for coming at last. thanks to your arrival, i can go back to my charcoal sticks and sketchbook. oh how i've missed my acrylic colours, my plasticky canvases and my artist research. Taking photographs (or stealing them from my friends :P) seemed so far away.

but NOT ANYMORE!

cZipLee's V.S. ArtFriend.

I'm sorry ZipLee, i really like your stuff but ArtFriend has won my heart with its student discount of 10% on every item!

my next trip to ArtFriend shall be EPIC! no stick of charcoal is safe from my eagle eyes; i shall claim it ALL!

and then i shall draw.

Draw what?

Draw Helena and Alice's beautiful sister, Darcy, thanks to Helena's wonderful photos which she has given me and which i have NOT stolen. Also, i'm going to try my hand (haha! comedy drumbeat) at drawing drapery. Clothes hanging on pegs, random curtains with folds, that sort of thing. WISH ME LUCK!

The Rowan Series #4

2009-06-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

"Rich World, Poor World"

Piece 1: Luke's Hands 24" x 24"

Piece 2: Portrait of Luke 24" x 30"

Piece 3: Unfinished Portrait of Luke (after 5 hours)

Acrylic on store-bought primed canvases.
Textured surface created with surgical gauze and white emulsion paint.
Black streaks created with black acrylic paint applied with a house-painter's brush.
Pieces of painted wire gauze added on top for "poverty" effect.

NOTE: the colours of Piece 2 (finished portrait of Luke) are inaccurately displayed. The actual colours are richer, warmer and fuller. It's just the cacat quality of my camera-phone that's making them hazy and blunt. I'll try to get Mr Delmotte to taking a nicer one for me with his cool SLR. At the moment, the original painting is hanging outside Mr Mann's office. HA!

The Rowan Series #3

2009-06-08T05:11:00.000-07:00

This is a photo to show the proportion of my Year 10 final piece compared to my sofa. I think my final piece is about 2 and 1/2 metres long X 1 and 1/2 metres wide.

Literature Schmiterature

2009-06-05T02:59:00.000-07:00

The very volatile love affair between me and Literature is in great jeopardy, thanks to the evil plot of Cambridge International Examinations.

Thanks, CIE. Thanks a bunch.

First of all, the Mockingbird questions. Now, why on earth would we want to dissect such a mundane passage (in my opinion, of course)? Why couldn't you have given us the court trial scene? Or how about the fire? Rabid dog?

Okay, i will admit that it was tons better than that idiotic Ms Maudie passage from the past papers, but SERIOUSLY. All i could do was comment on the pathetic nature of Bob Ewell in contrast to Atticus' "Gao Da Wei Meng" type personality. Okay not exactly Gao Da Wei Meng, but somewhere along there. He OWNED.

Bob Ewell... Ah, the poor man. His efforts to show off his spitting prowess certainly backfired. And as for Atticus, "he could be right dry sometimes".

NARRATIVE PERSPECTIVE. Thanks to Mr Beattie's constant "hammering", i actually bothered to include some "elements of narrative perspective". i talked about how initially Scout was just scared and worried for Atticus' safety, but in hindsight learns to appreciate the way he "forgave" Mr Ewell. Harper Lee almost manipulates the reader into feeling sorry for Bob Ewell having his "last shred of credibility" destroyed by the triumphant Atticus, despite how much the reader may loathe Mr Ewell.

Furthermore, i included some points about how the build-up of character in previous events and chapters had led up to this climatic display of attitude; Bob Ewell shows how DOH-BRAIN he is, and Atticus shows how diplomatic and composed he is. Examiners, i hope you like little chinese girls who write essays like these.

And i didn't even TRY to write the Scout essay. Erm... V-A-G-U-E!!!!!!!! TO DA MAX.

And..... we have As You Like It. Drama is always an interesting text to study because it's different. The passage question was just calling me to write it, while the essay question was simply a female dog. "Optimistic" and "happy"????? Well if it's not, that what is it??? I didn't even want to delve into the whole curmudgeonly nature of Jaques and the bawdy humour of Touchstone.... let alone the conflicts of the Forest of Arden.... EURGH. Passage question, thank you. Thank you for being tolerable.

DRAMATIC QUALITIES. Sorry Mr Beattie... I don't think i was able to include your favourite Drama element... Perhaps i should've looked into the way it was performed more. However, i DID talk about their excited tone which causes the audience to become excited too... so that's kind of dramatic qualitites, isn't it?

Court v.s. Country - I am very proud of myself that i managed to squeeze some of this nonsense into my essay.... actually, it formed quite a large proportion of my whole AYLI essay. Good stuff!

Now, the life ruiner... POETRY. Okay, don't get me wrong, i absolutely LOVE poetry. It's easy to write about, easy to analyze... Now here is where i get really worked up about the exam. Thanks to the A2 Literature gang, who have 15 minutes less than i do to write their essays, i assumed that the count down timer applied to me as well as them.

after finishing my second essay, i looked up at the timer only to find that i had "26 minutes left"!!! (When in actual fact i really had about 40 minutes before end of exam) I freaked out. I rushed my last essay without planning, i wrote it on the spot, my pen scribbled whatever came to my head. every essay skill that i had honed over the past 2 years immediately flew out of the window. just like that.

then when the timer sounded, i stopped writing. for some reason, everyone else around me continued to write. i was puzzled, oh yes, i was.

then the horrible truth came crashing down on me.
YOU STILL HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES LEFT YOU EEJIT!!!!!

oh dear. WAS i mad.

So yeah. That's the big mishap, the big mess-up.
AND HOPEFULLY, THAT WON'T BE WHAT COSTS ME MY A* IN ENGLISH LITERATURE BECAUSE I FRIGGING DESERVE IT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

a lovely discovery

2009-06-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

i now know how to calculate matrices.

if:
AB=X
then B=A^(-1)X

but if:
BA=X
then B=XA^(-1)

so the inverse matrix follows the order of the original matrix!!!

AWESOME!

THANKS PETRA!
THANKS LOK YONG!
THANKS HUI LINN!
THANKS MUM!
THANKS WAI LIMN!

the woes of Additional Mathematics

2009-06-01T04:19:00.001-07:00

DARN RADIAN AND DEGREES!
DARNIT!
DARN HAVING TO SWITCH IN BETWEEN MODES!!!!!

those little [R] and [D] symbols have begun to wreck my life into a pile of ruin. DARN THOSE RADIANS AND DEGREES!!!!! DARN PI!!!!!!!

essay.

2009-06-01T01:08:00.000-07:00

come on, my lovely words.
flow
i beg you.

i know i don't see you
as often as i probably should.

why the coldness?
why the cruel refusal to
fill my mind?

my hands shake
and bright dots
form before my eyes
signs of this new madness.

please.

please appear.

returning to my mushroom amidst the stress

2009-06-01T00:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I have Geography Paper 4. A rather useless paper, if you ask me, because obviously everyone is going to do super well on the "joke" Paper 5 and won't even need to look at Paper 4. Anyhow, no matter how much I try to shrug my shoulders and act like I don't care about it, I HAAAVE to at least try to study for it. I just must do a past paper, just to be on the safe side.

Geography is fun. You get to learn cool words like "wetted perimeter" and "rainshadow" and "quadrat" and "transect" and "demographic transition model" and "situ" and "attrition" and "hygrometer" and other various lingo. Sometimes, I want to do Geography just to be able to use these words in my everyday life.

"Oh yes, yes indeed, it's those darn agribusinesses that make our lives so difficult. If only they could just be nomadic farmers and be satisfied with that."

"No, it's not just desertification that's a problem. It's also the overcultivation and soil exhaustion. My, my. Those people don't know how to live sustainably."

"Haha! What a fantastic swash! This long-shore drift sure gets your adrenaline pumping! And the prevailing winds seem to be having a fine time this morning."

So yes. And I should probably be getting back to my work right now. I can't wait to write my literature essays. I'm really going to miss it when I'm in college.

such delicacies

2009-05-31T04:06:00.000-07:00

Jodie Anne Candy
I have just realized that all my artist influences have names related to food!!

Jim Dine

Francis Bacon

Cherry Hood

The Rowan Series #2

2009-05-31T03:47:00.000-07:00

Here are a few Gabrielles.
Charcoal, poster paint.
The "Bleeding" Technique.
These are now pasted in my coursework portfolio.
I love saying "portfolio".

photo editing for dummies (like me)

2009-05-30T00:57:00.000-07:00

PICNIK!!!!!

awesome stuff. love the program.

also, this is a really old photo.

The Rowan Series #1

2009-05-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

My mock exam piece #2 - set of 4.

They were all meant to be looking up at the main picture, which was the orange one.

All of them are watered-down acrylic paint on store-bought primed canvas.

EUW EUW still prefer to prime my own.

The Rowan Series

2009-05-26T20:04:00.001-07:00

coming soon....

Yasmin Rowan
Gabrielle Rowan
Luke Rowan

... NO i am not obsessed with their family, thank you very much.

Much thought and Gabi

2009-05-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

And finally I've been able to post up some of my artwork onto here.

The orange one was my mock exam Piece #1. String and emulsion for the textured background, acrylic paint for the face.

Notice the "eyeliner".

I felt that this was by far my weakest piece to date contrary to reviews from friends and teachers. The proportions do Gabi no justice and the colour scheme is... well... heaty.
And not to mention, rather glaring.

One of my favourite pieces of all time... CALENDARRR!!!
This was done during my 5 hour Year 10 exam. It's string and emulsion textured background and black and white acrylic paint for the face. Red and blue splodges (can't really see them here) are watered-down poster paints.

I remember coming into the exam not really knowing what was happening and what to actually paint. Ms Alford went absolutely mad. Her aussie accent grew increasingly curly. "Don't know what you're supposed doooo? You shouldn've ahhsked me waaayyy uuurlier!!!"

My initial idea was to paint a screaming Kristen face (some of my peers will remember that I was pursuing this idea for quite some time). However, I changed my mind last minute and painted this sorrowful Gabi face instead.

I don't know, it was the hurt of betrayal in her eyes that really compelled me. Stunning eyes, she's got!

The actual painting now belongs to Gabi. I hope she likes it!

P.S. Please click on the pics to view their full size and majesty :P

Hope.

2008-11-03T04:38:00.000-08:00

Picture taken at Disneyland Paris.

Real Love

2008-11-03T03:43:00.001-08:00

"If you really love her, you will let her go." - Fairy Godmother, Shrek II

Well this soppy quote never made much sense to me. But once you've actually experienced it for yourself, you won't have to worry about never having had real love. Because, THAT QUOTE, my friend, is truly what love is about.

Long story short, minus all the sobbing and drama, my ex-boyfriend is now going out with one of my friends. Just shoot me now, why don't you? Anyway, there's always been something lingering on between us, refusing to go, even after we broke up. Either that, or I'm a wuss and it's all my imagination. But I highly doubt. He said he would, and I quote, "Wait".

Yes, yes, romantically enough he said he would wait. And I kept him to that, because I trusted in his word. Although consequences have guided me to make the right choice in stopping this relationship, there is a side to it that glows with hope.

Hope isn't whether it will happen or not in the end and so we only keep hoping if it could turn out how we want it to be. Hope is sticking to what you believe in, no matter how unstable or unlikely it may be. This is why it's called Hope. This is why it keeps people going. Hoping. Searching.

So he might have as well written "WAIT" on a large piece of pink scented paper and then torn it up and put it in the recycling bin, because that's exactly how it felt.

My trusty comrades encourage me to avenge myself, or at least be angry. But I cannot. I simply cannot. Love doesn't stop blossoming when it becomes a one way process. Yes, thorns and thistles may spring up along the way, but love is stronger. Love prevails.

This may sound like it belongs on a Hallmark card somewhere, but really, I love him. Maybe not as much as I used to, but I feel like separation has caused it to burn steadily, a flame in the cold winter wind.

So if this is how he wants it to be, if he's really happy with this arrangement, so be it. He has moved on, and so should I.

Choices

2008-09-30T08:17:00.001-07:00

The choices we make all really depend on us.
God has given us the gift of free will.

People think that because of certain unfortunate circumstances, our choices are made for us.
No, these circumstances are only the influence.
What really matters at the end of the day is the decision we make.

Will we stand firm in what we believe in?
Or will we succumb in weakness to the trials and suffering around us?
It's all up to us.

We have more power than we realize.
It's all in our will.

Sex before marriage?

2008-06-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

I was having an argument with a friend about sex and what is the appropriate age to have it at.
This friend, who was telling me that sex should be had before marriage, was saying how we'd be so crap at it when we grow up and get married, if that's the only time we plan on doing it.
Then he went on to say, all of a sudden, that sex is a wonderful thing, and how that two people who really, really love each other don't care what each other looks like. They care for only one thing, and that is their love.

So then I asked myself, so if sex is truly such a wonderful display of love to each other, why must we be good at it?
If two people genuinely love each other, with real love, not passionate lusty movie-like love, then they wouldn't be bothered if both of them were complete bollocks at sex. They wouldn't care one bit.

It's a mystery, that's what sex is.

I laugh. I smile. I happy.

2008-06-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a laugher. I'll admit it.
But in times of no laughter being allowed for certain cruel and inevitable reasons, a smile suffices.

Here's a quote I found while hunting around:

"Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit."

Now THAT quote, that really describes me. Laugh on credit. Laugh at anything.

So why do I love to laugh so much? Confession: I love attention, most of the time. But that's not my main reason for laughing; in fact it's not a reason at all.
It's the twinkle that I see in people's eyes as they watch me roll around in peals of laughter. It's the fidgeting of the sides of their mouths as they try not to follow. It's the dangerous fluctuation of their cheekbones as they clamp down their mouths, hoping that it doesn't give way to sudden bursts of laughter.

I love these little signs that show that life exists. I love it that smiles and laughter and senses of humour exist.
Oh, wonderful laughter.
I have to say, sincerely and genuinely and without a doubt, that laughter is my best medicine.

Tragedy.

2008-06-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

I have a wise friend. His name is Patrick.
He's one of those deep people with lots of wit and wisdom.
He wrote this quote:
"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

I was so impressed. And then I found out he didn't write it. He just liked it.
Another guy, some guy, called George Bernard Shaw, wrote the original quote.

I like to think of the word "gain" as "find". I relate to "find" better.

We're always looking for something, do you realize? Nobody residing on this Earth is truly happy in their soul. We'll always be in want.
Want, want, want.
From this point on, I'll never blame anyone for not being happy with their lives. Who can blame them? We'll always want.
Want, want, want.

First post ever

2008-06-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

With thought, surely comes more thought.
That seems a bit obvious, but for me, there has been so many cases where I start thinking and can't stop. There's so much to think about.

My thoughts started out as a mere assignment. I wanted to write something deep and meaningful. Unfortunately, I'm not much of a deep and meaningful person.
Anyhow, I got around to writing. And then, I realized how much there is to wonder and contemplate about. So much.

Too much.